Man Calves...

Mom, why don't you go work out your "Man Calves".

That's my son's way of trying to be funny and get under my skin.

I say, "These man calves can surely plant the attached size 10's squarely in your rear! and don't make me pull out the naked baby pictures for your girlfriend to peruse!"

Yep I have legs of steel...well almost. I used to use these weapons on the boys in middle school...well because I liked them. These legs expressed all my affection when I would capture a boy in the back bus seat and proceed to catch my foot on the edge of the seat in front of us at an angle, so as to get the best leverage and push as hard as I could to squeeze the life out of him. When "he" couldn't breathe anymore I would demand his surrender... Once "he" was completely under my enslavement...I would release my prey and I would move on to my next victim.

Love was simple. And thank goodness I finally figured out how to capture a man without crushing his ribcage.

Full circle to an afternoon unsuspecting of a moment of awareness. I was skipping work with some cohorts one Friday afternoon. Drinking margaritas was a part of the crime as well. I found myself expressing a few things that I had never said out loud before.

We were discussing what we found attractive in the opposite sex. I thought for a moment and stated that the top three things were: eyes, teeth and calves. Everyone looked at me puzzled and prodded me for an explanation. Well it's simple...eyes and teeth need to be white and clean because they are definetely a sign of general good health. The eyes need to be kind and direct...no looking at the ground or away from me when speaking...the eyes tell a lot about someone's character. The teeth tell a lot about cleaniness...I mean if I'm going to potentially stick my tongue in that month...it better be clean!

My crime partners asked about the calves. I explained that this man needed to be strong and calves are an indication of health and physical strength as well. I kept myself healthy and physically fit, it was only fair that my mate do the same!

They all looked at me and asked if I was buying a horse or a man...I looked back, puzzled. "What's the difference? Same concept...it's very practical! And besides, I have to have a man with bigger calves than me!"