Whiskey anyone? One drop or two?

I'd be hard pressed to find a way to put any good amount of Whiskey in this jug...but it's darn cute, though! My son has a wonderful imagination. http://www.etsy.com/listing/50270474/miniture-whiskey-jug

Recycling for the Bored...

After eating corndogs...do something responsible with your left over ketchup and mustard!

Happy Cat...Happy Cat...Please Don't Poke Me in the Eye Again....

So I’ve been thinking I was kinda sad…so I decided to watch a chic flick that has some scenes that make you cry and then comes full circle with a semi happy ending…The Time Travelers Wife…That sounds like it will make me have a good cry. Let me explain…I won’t just cry for no reason…when everything feels like shit I have to plan a sit down and watch a movie or read a book that has some feel good mushy stuff so that I can channel my sorrow through the movie and then move on. Yeah I know it’s mental…but it works.

So I sit down and prepare for my cry session. My wonderful husband has created a network and has saved movies so that we can watch the movies and shows whenever we feel the inkling. So I go through the process of finding the movie…The Time Travelers Wife. I’ve prepared myself and I’m ready to purge… The show keeps getting stuck and I try several times to restart the movie, only to get more frustrated. I could have gotten up and reset the server, but by this time I’m frustrated…(did I mention that I'm selectively lazy)...and now I don’t want to cry anymore…I want to yell at someone… oh just go fuck off!

Realizing that that desire has no happy ending here at home… I decide to go for a bike ride and then watch Tosh.o and read some of Sarah Silverman’s new book. Cynicism and raw humor can also be a temporary cure for the uneasy soul. Reminder to self…tape the word “find a well paying job” to the perpetual waving cat. As I ponder my words…I find myself looking at the cat…just waving at me. Is she mocking me, waving goodbye or waving me forward as to ask me “come closer, no closer, no even closer retard” until I am nose to almost nose with this golden inanimate creature that we have half heartedly decided to add to our eclectic home décor as a reminder not to take ourselves or anything else so seriously …Oh and what the hay…. We taped “win megabucks” to it… Right then she poked me in the eye, as to say, “Stop acting like an idiot and go do something productive, you fucking moron”.

Oh how I miss my high stress career working in a male dominated field of construction. That is what I miss…whenever I was pissed I could cuss like a truck driver and tell one of my cohorts to just go fuck off. Can’t do that at home…my little piglets and monkeys (kids = piglets…dogs = monkeys, although sometimes the dogs=piglets too when I humanize them as my kids)… would probably be traumatized…I cuss to the air at my frustration…but there’s nothing like telling someone to fuck off and then not having to bear the brunt of a retaliation or negative consequence.

Well my son mentioned that he reset the server, so I reschedule my purging session and watched the show...Yes it relieved a little of the sadness.

Enough to watch "Shudder Island" next.

A great combo...happy, sad, intrigued, scared, psychotic...whew...I'm good now. :)

Fuck off Happy Cat!

Man Calves...

Mom, why don't you go work out your "Man Calves".

That's my son's way of trying to be funny and get under my skin.

I say, "These man calves can surely plant the attached size 10's squarely in your rear! and don't make me pull out the naked baby pictures for your girlfriend to peruse!"

Yep I have legs of steel...well almost. I used to use these weapons on the boys in middle school...well because I liked them. These legs expressed all my affection when I would capture a boy in the back bus seat and proceed to catch my foot on the edge of the seat in front of us at an angle, so as to get the best leverage and push as hard as I could to squeeze the life out of him. When "he" couldn't breathe anymore I would demand his surrender... Once "he" was completely under my enslavement...I would release my prey and I would move on to my next victim.

Love was simple. And thank goodness I finally figured out how to capture a man without crushing his ribcage.

Full circle to an afternoon unsuspecting of a moment of awareness. I was skipping work with some cohorts one Friday afternoon. Drinking margaritas was a part of the crime as well. I found myself expressing a few things that I had never said out loud before.

We were discussing what we found attractive in the opposite sex. I thought for a moment and stated that the top three things were: eyes, teeth and calves. Everyone looked at me puzzled and prodded me for an explanation. Well it's simple...eyes and teeth need to be white and clean because they are definetely a sign of general good health. The eyes need to be kind and direct...no looking at the ground or away from me when speaking...the eyes tell a lot about someone's character. The teeth tell a lot about cleaniness...I mean if I'm going to potentially stick my tongue in that month...it better be clean!

My crime partners asked about the calves. I explained that this man needed to be strong and calves are an indication of health and physical strength as well. I kept myself healthy and physically fit, it was only fair that my mate do the same!

They all looked at me and asked if I was buying a horse or a man...I looked back, puzzled. "What's the difference? Same concept...it's very practical! And besides, I have to have a man with bigger calves than me!"