October 2007
Ok...so I got the toy hauler and the quad and the dune buggy...so let's go...let's go have some fun…it's got to be fun, cause all the guys are doing this…it's "the" thing to do, right?
Ok its 6 in morning and we're ready to go and the friggin' truck wont start…great somebody left the dome light on the night before…that would be my fault because my son was looking for the keys I lost the night before and because he was helping me find them it's my fault he left the light on….? OK it's my fault, move on….
Ok now what…ok we will jump start the truck…except I forget if you attach the red thingy first or the black and when do you start the car? Ok I think I know except it doesn't work because the battery has a plastic protection thing on it…Ok I can see the headlines "mom blows up kids and her house and half the block because she cant remember where she put her keys"…so what do I do?….I know…what any respectable independent woman would do….I call for help… (Thank god for old boyfriends that have remained close enough to rescue me whenever I need them….!!!)
By the way I'm sure I have no business hauling a twenty something foot trailer with stuff in it…but I keep thinking "outside of the box, Audrey"…
So off we go, and I'm scared shitless….and did I mention I was scared…
So is 60 mph on a 70 mph road so bad?…I mean what the hell, I'm carrying my babies and their college fund attached to the back…but everyone seems to be so annoyed with me…what's up with that?
So off we go…everything is going fine…I've mastered the hook up and the hook down and the generator and the refrigerator and the toilet thing….how about which road do I pick to get out to these monstrous dunes that I can see but cant see how to get to, because I cant figure out which little road goes somewhere verses nowhere….
Ok well, we're there and we get everything out and I start to set up camp…cause that's what I do…and I cook and I wash dishes…this is starting to feel just like home, oh goody….don't you just love it…what's for lunch mom????
Ok well how do you get this damn gas pump to work….we tried everything…and the people who broke into the trailer two weeks ago didn't have a problem stealing 20 gallons of gas out of it, but I cant figure out how to do it with the lights on and all the electricity going…well thank god we have cell service…Hey we'll just call the RV dealer…hey that works… you have to have the ground wire connected to the frame…well who the hell would know that! And why didn't you tell me that before…?
Hey I want to try to ride, looks like fun…except I forgot my three sports bras…holey crap…it's so bumpy…but I'll admit, it's fun, except…I don't have all the cool gear and when I almost fell off doing a donut, I realized riding pants and boots might be on my Christmas list this year…of course pink ones, Santa, please!
OK ten minutes of that, and I'm done…now how about a beer and a movie….just my style…stuck in the middle of the desert, nowhere to shop, no laundry to do…no wonder guys like this stuff…I can eat pork rinds, drink beer and watch movies with no guilt…cause there's nothing else to do!!!! And the kids are gone too…oh my god a slice of heaven…where's a boyfriend when you need one….
Oh my god it's so cold at night out there and what if someone steals the quads…or tries to break in or I don't know…its just my nature to worry…and so it goes we don't use the heater because we might burn down…It's a legitimate worry…
Well its so darn cold…I have to get up and turn the heater on…I'll watch it and then turn it off once its warm…except we've never used it and when I turn it on…well it smells…and guess what that beeping noise is…you guessed it…the fire alarm…oh and covering it with your hand doesn't muffle the sound very much either…so I just unscrew it…lovely I'm such a responsible parent…yeah I just unplugged the fire alarm because its too noisy.
Well hey now that everyone's up how about some popcorn and a movie…beer anyone?
Morning is great…I think we made it…and the quads are still here and I didn't have to use my rifle to ward off any bears or hitchhiker types…not to mention that an unloaded shot gun wont do much good in any case….
The best thing…coffee and I did good, I remembered to bring something for breakfast for the kids…what a mom….!
Cooking for my boys is great…and a boyfriend that liked to do the dishes would be great right about now….
Ok time to go…it's amazing how home can motivate you…
I think we did pretty good for a dingbat mom and a couple of two drink minimum comedy acts….I think me forgetting the ketchup was the biggest disappointment for the little one…and "No soda or candy on this trip" for the big one, I think I can live with that!
The only damage that I think that may have occurred would be me driving home in 4 wheel drive…I heard a clunk a few times pulling out and as I pulled into town still wondering, I looked down to find that I had forgot to put it 2 wheel drive…so we'll see…I guess it's only money….right…and I will probably never forget again…at least that one thing…but there's so many things to remember…this guy stuff is so hard….I think it would be easier to just get a guy…I wonder if eBay sells boyfriends!!!!!
Good times……..
Update...found one and he's a keeper...it's amazing what you can find on the internet! Match.com does work...kinda...Another story!
